Wednesday, May 30, 2007

Sex Snow Sculptures and History


Did people do this 2,000 years ago? No, not have sex you idiot, I'm talking about dirty snow sculptures. History leaves out a lot of these kinds of details, like who penned the first fart gag.
Did people in ancient Greece write their buddy's names and phone number on the bathroom stall as a gag? Of course not, they didn't have telephones back then, but I guess you could have used their stone mail address.

I wonder...how did the Great Pyramid become the best one. I would imagine the conversation going something like this:

“You know Pharaoh, we could poll people and find out which pyramid truly is the best.” stated the assistant.
“How would we do that?” asked the Pharaoh.
“The internet silly” replied the assistant.

Of course that was the last thing the assistant said. He was killed for talking about something that didn’t exist. Ok, I’m kidding, the Pharaoh whacked him for calling him silly.

What about the jokes? One Phoenician is walking down the street, stops another and says “what’s that on your toga?”, then places the pointing finger on the person’s chest. I think you get where this one goes. Who knows when this old gag started out but I’m guessing it was before the age of napkins.

Did racial or religious jokes exist back then? “Hey Ferdinand did you hear the one about the Jew, the Catholic, and the Inquisition? Man, it’s a killer!” Judging from how history has played out, I’m going to bet the farm that we have always done this.

That same history we were taught in school didn’t answer any questions either. We learned that the past was a magical time of dragons and everyone was happily farming. In other places giant people wore togas and meet in big buildings to decide on things. Then they would pick Christians up and eat them like animal crackers, legs first so they don't run away. Meanwhile, a man named after a cartoon character wrote two parts of a trilogy but tragically died before the third installment could be written. Read more...
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